


Of Grief and Guilt

by Mischel



Series: My Special Star [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur needs a hug, Cute, Episode: s03e05 The Crystal Cave, F/M, Gwen doesn't even say anything she's just sort of there for a few seconds, M/M, Merlin feels guilty, Morgana is dying, and sad, everyone is sad, so he hugs Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7805110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PART #14 - Merlin feels guilty about hurting Morgana in 3x05 The Crystal Cave. Everyone is sad because of him and even though Kilgharrah said Morgana should be dead, he doesn't want to let her die. Arthur doesn't want to appear weak in front of Merlin, but Merlin doesn't care about that and goes to give him a hug. They both need it. - it could be Merthur, but it also could be bromance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Grief and Guilt

What has he done?

That was a question he's been asking himself all day. And the answer? He wasn't sure. Has he done a bad thing? Was Morgana dying a _bad_ thing? Everyone was sad and it was all because of him. But Morgana was their enemy, even if the others didn't know that, which would make it a good thing that she was dying. He's prevented the future from happening – Morgana couldn't kill Uther if she was dead. But... she'd be _dead,_ and he didn't want that. He only wanted to stop her.

Merlin just couldn't live with the guilt. He couldn't.

He was on his way to Arthur's chambers, when he heard it. The silent sobbing. He stopped in front of the open doors to Morgana's chambers and saw Arthur hugging Gwen. She was crying in his arms.

Merlin started walking again and quickly entered Arthur's chambers, where he sat to the table. He had work to do, but... he couldn't make himself even start. The _guilt_ was unbearable. And then Arthur walked in and Merlin quickly stood up.

He could tell Arthur wasn't expecting him there. He slowly went to the table and it looked as if he didn't even know why he went to his chambers at all. Merlin felt much the same – lifeless. Sad.

Arthur looked at his chain mail on the table and frowned slightly. "Sword belt." He mumbled. "Where's my sword belt?" Merlin turned around to fetch it and handed it back to Arthur. "What the hell's it doing over there?"

When Merlin saw Arthur's fingers were numb and he couldn't even take the belt off the sword, he realized that Arthur didn't have anyone who'd help him with the grief. He himself hugged Gwen in Morgana's chambers, but that didn't help him.

"It's twisted, here." Merlin offered to help him and after a while, Arthur gave up. He handed the sword back to Merlin, who managed to take the belt off and put it on the table. Arthur put his hands on the table and looked down. Merlin could see he held back the tears, he probably didn't want to show any weakness in front of him.

But well, fuck that.

It was Merlin's job to take care of Arthur, and Arthur _needed_ his help right now. They both needed it and that's why Merlin slowly rounded the table and put his hand on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur didn't do anything, he just closed his eyes and rubbed them with his other hand.

"I'm sorry about Morgana." Merlin whispered. He hoped Arthur knew that his hand on his shoulder meant Arthur could be weak. Everyone sometimes needed to be. "If Gaius could do something, he would."

"After all we went through to rescue her..." Arthur whispered. Merlin noticed there were tears on his cheeks. "For her to survive all that..."

"I know."

"And lose her now, like this. I've grown up with her. She's like a sister to me. I'd sacrifice my place on the throne for her to see another sunrise." Arthur's voice was shaking.

Merlin didn't hesitate this time, he simply squeezed Arthur's shoulder and made him turn around. Arthur didn't look into his eyes, but that was alright. He didn't have to. All he had to do was to let Merlin take care of him. The young warlock slowly moved his hand from Arthur's shoulder to his back and enveloped him in a hug.

He didn't think Arthur would hug him back, but in that moment, Arthur's arms wrapped around him and his head fell down on Merlin's shoulder. Then, Arthur started sobbing just like Gwen was half an hour ago.

And that was alright.

It was right then, when Merlin decided what he had to do. What he _needed_ to do. Not only Morgana was dying because of him, but Arthur and all of his friends were suffering. He had to stop it. And he didn't care if Morgana tried to kill Uther again or if he was playing with his destiny which was very dangerous.

He'd find another way.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it :)


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